Project Skip Leap

I spent way too long last summer trying to talk myself into jumping off our boat into the lake. When did I become the fearful one? How can I be paralyzed in some ways and so free in others?

In fitness I have learned about muscular hyper mobility as well as impingements. How can one body be so free in some ways and literally/stuck/ frozen/limited in either strength or mobility in others?

I love the word ‘undergird’ .. mostly because it makes me think of girdles .. and I think ‘girdle’ is a funny word. In order to find freedom in my mind and body I have had to go to the core. The root of who I am. The core of my being. The part the girdle holds in place. 😜

My days are not my own right now. My life is not my own for this very busy season. But that doesn’t make me less ‘me.’ If anything, I am more ‘me’ because everything else has been stripped away. It has been stripped away by a pandemic, trauma and loss, our life stage with all of our children and the fact we are aging. Mid life crisis anyone??!

Life is full. Life is crazy. Life can be chaotic. It can be stressful. It is definitely tiring. But our core, the core of our family, of our ‘us’-ness is still consistent.

My core is strong, dysfunctional in some ways but stable in others. But as the plumb line of my life slowly aligns with truth and heals, I know that things will feel better and I will get better at the ‘more’ of life.

Fear doesn’t get to define me. I will not be held back by my body, toxic thoughts, toxic relationships or poor habits. These are things I can control. These are things we all have power over.

What method do you use to find your alignment in your life, your plumb line?

Project Canoodle

I can’t show you the images that are emblazoned on my heart. I can’t share the photos of *’our’ baby girl in heaven.

As I snuggle up with her big brother in the home he knows so well, my heart swells with love. But, each time I do (and it is often!) my heart eeks out just a little of the intense grief that I keep carefully tamped down.

You see, he has her eyes.

I cling to the image of that baby girl snuggled up in the arms of Jesus. Daily, her big brother is snuggled up in mine. She is HOME.

*in our home (as foster parents or otherwise) we don’t distinguish how we love. ‘Born into’ or ‘chosen’ for our family, we love wholly.

Project SPROINGY

Sometimes I choose to do some things because they are fun. As of January 1, 2022, a lot of people are trying to change their bodies, mindsets, habits and more.

We lay out our ‘resolutions’ and plan using SMART goals. (specific, measurable, attainable, rad, terrific?) — ok, I may have forgotten what the letters stand for.. (R-realistic, T-timely.) Seeing as I forgot when New Year’s Eve was this year and also don’t know what day of the week it is, perhaps SMART goals aren’t for me.

Instead, I am choosing to sprinkle in a bit of play. Not just play with my kids but play for the sake of playing. My form of play currently involves skipping, jumping, dancing, hopping, leaping and crawling. Imagine ‘playing’ and accidentally reaping the benefit of forming a regular practice of body movement. And that regular movement subsequently makes you stronger, leaner, more limber and more importantly releases all of those happy happy hormones that make each day feel just a bit more manageable because of a over abundant sense of well being.

How do you play? How could you incorporate play into your life? You may not want to leap around like I do but maybe you do want to climb up a snowy hillside and slide down on a piece of cardboard. The sky is the limit where our minds and bodies are concerned when we set out with a joyful mindset.

I would love for you to engage with me by brainstorming on what play looks like for you. (This is beyond exercise people! This is embracing your inner child and remembering how to have fun!)

Project Travel Mug

I seem to be accumulating an abundance of travel mugs lately. That may be because of my need to a) use the adult equivalent to a sippy cup b) preserve the integrity of my coffee temperature as it often gets put aside. I have spilled my coffee 4 times even with my new ‘sippy cups’…

I’ve been trying on a few subscriptions for size in the past couple of months. Our family now has a bone broth subscription and I have a monthly flower subscription. On top of that we are using a local meal kit service, a cleaning service and I have a couple of fitness classes too. Phew! Did I make you tired just listing all of that? Failure to plan is a plan to fail. (Did I just swear? I feel like that could be taken as curse words for someone..)

We have been in a holding pattern which has allowed my very busy brain some space to plan ahead. Our family is growing again. We shall soon have 4 children 4 and under. Plus two bigs who also live under our roof. It is a lot. This is a lot. Planning is required.

I’ve had to ask for help. I’ve had to hire help. I sometimes have to beg for help (“here, take this baby.. I am going to have a bath.”)

There are pieces to the puzzle I haven’t quite figured out and others I am trying on for size.

Overall I am feeling extremely grateful. And in the moments when I feel overwhelmed I will stop to smell the literal rose in my flower bouquet and sip some coffee, bone broth or just plain enjoy a crazy meal with my crazy family.

Featured

Project John Stamos

In Uncle Jesse’s words… “have mercy!” (Full House fans — you’re welcome.)

There comes a time when we have to wave the white flag and surrender. We have to surrender to the fact that we just can’t do it all.

We are currently dabbling at having some hired help for cleaning so that we can focus in on family and not get bogged down (and crabby) about other tasks that just shouldn’t matter in this season of our lives.

Case in point, I wouldn’t be able to write or shower quite frankly if not for this seeming indulgence.

As the mom of two bigs and two little littles, I know how quickly time passes and I don’t want to miss a thing.

HAVE MERCY!!

Project psssst…

I didn’t even know the word ‘dry shampoo’ when a can of ‘psssst’ found its way into my bathroom cabinet. Perhaps it was a slight misstep in name as it conjures up images of muppets in trench coats asking if I want to buy the letter ‘b’. Nevertheless it is a brand name that is still in my mind over 20 years later.

I think we all make slight missteps in how we brand ourselves in this world where self-promotion through social media allows us to manipulate perception through posts and pics of our very best days.

I am not defined by my depression. It is not my brand. It is just part of my journey. I get to hone in on what really matters in my life because my body throws up cues and warning signals when I misstep. I think rather than an attitude of woe is me perhaps that is a reason to be thankful.

Project Metamucil

Writer’s constipation. It is now a thing.

The overflow of a life well lived is creativity. Creativity without action = bunged up.

Crap.

And so today, I declare, I shall create. Boom.

Project Tantrum

I may be writing this post from under my bed sheets. When adulthood comes a knocking; my inner child may or may not throw a hissy fit.

The reality is, I am an adult and as such have adult responsibilities. I am not talking about the day in and day out things of life but the sucky adult stuff like … I don’t know… applying for extended health care coverage or making RRSP contributions. Barf!

These are the things that make my anxiety levels skyrocket and my decision making ability goes ‘byeeeeee!!’ Then, because depression is a liar… my self worth comes under fire. It is a vicious cycle.

It is very easy to revert back to a tween in my coping … or lack thereof. To quote Chris Evans aka Captain America “I don’t wike it.”

Project ‘Much ado about nothing’

So, yeah… I just ripped off Shakespeare…. (btw… if you google that particular piece of work just know that the cinematic version with Emma Thompson has lots of butts in it.)

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was fearless. She didn’t shy away from ner a bully or a challenge. One day, she decided that she wanted to invent something out of nothing…. well not quite nothing. In fact, one might say it was quite a bit actually.

You see, her pantry overflowed. Her fridge was packed and her freezer was bursting. Determined not to throw out another head of lettuce or a furry steak she decided to take stock. ‘Surely,’ she said to herself, ‘out of such abundance she could feed her family on a budget for a month.’

Many questioned the wisdom of such an undertaking. Why would she do such a thing?

to be creative with what is already right in her hands.
to be less wasteful. (ie. a good steward)
to challenge herself to grow through taking on something new.

P.S. does anyone have a good recipe for random, unidentified dried goods? (asking for a friend….)