Project Honour

An anniversary date is coming up this week. A baby girl I had the privilege of being Mommy to from birth to 14 months old left this world way too soon.

In therapy (this is a much needed resource to help me through) it was suggested I take time to honour her daily. Please indulge me. I never want to forget the beauty of my sweet girl.

I GET to remember her. What a privilege. What a joy to have been her mommy. To know she knew love at such an important time in her life. To know she felt safe and nurtured for the majority of her life. To know she is safe and happy now in her heavenly home … this I take solace in. She is not hungry or scared. She knows no pain and has complete peace.

Thank you sweet girl for the time we had. You are engraved in my heart forever. Until we meet again. That reunion will be oh so sweet.

Project Dress for Success

Did you know that you get to make the rules for your own life? Yes, those rules should come from an alignment with who you are and what you are about. (I am called to this life and role and my faith in Jesus is the undergirding of my everything.)

For me success changes from day to day. Today dressing for success involved putting on my workout clothes and getting down to business (move my body.) This is something I get to do and choose to do to bio hack my bad attitude.

My life today involves 3-4 sick babies/toddler/preschoolers (one of which escaped her crib like a ninja at 4 am — her latest feat in a long list of parkour exercises she performs daily.) What more can I do? Fetal position? Head in the sand? Pint of ice cream? Nope, none of these will help me ‘feel’ better.

I still have to be a wife, mother, friend, daughter, human. So I am going to play with my latest toys (heavier kettlebells — hello 50lbs! (*pssst… you are kicking my butt mister.)

How do you overcome a rough start to the day? Let’s learn from one another.

Project Progressions

I have done it. I have booked my theory exam to become a Canfit pro Personal Training Specialist. As all things in my life, I find correlations between what I am learning and my daily happenings.

I was studying yesterday in a very noisy food court as it is less noisy (and demanding) than my own home. I was on the chapter about foundational movement practices and how to adapt those movements to your client based on their level. I am my own best/worst client.

Some days I feel like all of the pieces of life are passing me by. I struggle daily to do all the things. My foundations seem to be solid but progress is slow in all areas… or so I thought…

It turns out that if you randomly decide to learn how to do something and practice a tiny bit every day, that eventually you will be able to do the thing. And then the thing will actually get easier.

I am going to take the win. I am going to embrace the now. And I am going to take all of those teeny tiny steps towards whatever the thing of the moment is; until I master it and move on to add the next thing. I am grateful for today. What baby steps are part of your wins this hour/week/month/year/decade? (Obviously keeping all the babes loved, fed, clothed and safe is a big daily win for me.)

Project Posture

Recently I was in a small virtual group intensive training to become a personal trainer. One exercise we did with one another was assess one another’s physiques.

There were two particular syndromes we were watching for related to possible muscle overuse, weakness or injury. As it turns out, I have both. Jackpot!

While this could feel like defeat to some, this is an opportunity for me to be proactive in how I progress in my personal personal training. “To thine own self be true.” (Hamlet, William Shakespeare)

Nope, not recommending a level of selfishness or self focus that becomes all encompassing. I am saying my truth at this point in time is that I am not perfect. At any given point in time, I will not be perfect. This is not permission not to do something. It is information by which I can form a plan of action. In other words, it is a call to action.

May we all, as we receive glimpses of truth; (whether it comes from the TRUTH of the Bible (my favourite source of wisdom), a well meaning friend or family member or from a simple moment of introspection …answer the call.

Marco. Polo.

Don’t give up. Regroup and keep going. Day by day, moment by moment this will look differently .. but one tiny action is still a step forward.

Posture can change.

This is me assessing my own posture. Shoulders forward (nope, not ideal), butt tucked, also not optimal for lower back health and the posterior muscle groups. (Pun intended😜)

Project Pandemic

We have been trudging through the muck that is the reality of living in a pandemic. As if life in general can’t be a challenge, quarantine is the worst. I have been contemplating a ‘jail break’ since last Friday.

6/8 of our family got covid this month. 1/8 was a scary case. 4/8 of us are fully vaccinated. 3/8 of us are boosted. 1 of the boosted had only received their booster the same day as exposure and subsequently had mild symptoms and tested positive. 2/8 had no symptoms and tested negative (the fully vaccinated boosted.)

Our covid consisted of 4 babies needing constant care 24/7. One of those suffering was on the verge of needing a visit to the hospital. It was scary. Worse still, there was so much whining. I may never recover from that.

This is our experience. We made it through. Praying the same for all of you.

Project Canoodle

I can’t show you the images that are emblazoned on my heart. I can’t share the photos of *’our’ baby girl in heaven.

As I snuggle up with her big brother in the home he knows so well, my heart swells with love. But, each time I do (and it is often!) my heart eeks out just a little of the intense grief that I keep carefully tamped down.

You see, he has her eyes.

I cling to the image of that baby girl snuggled up in the arms of Jesus. Daily, her big brother is snuggled up in mine. She is HOME.

*in our home (as foster parents or otherwise) we don’t distinguish how we love. ‘Born into’ or ‘chosen’ for our family, we love wholly.

Project Mini Me

I have come to accept the thought that even a smaller version of me is still worth pursuing.

I am supposed to be in a 5 day intensive training to become a personal trainer starting today.

If you have been following my life at all, you are aware that we have been walking through extreme hardship, grief and a glimmer of hope coming our way. I have pushed this goal of becoming a personal trainer to 2022 when I can give myself and the course the attention required to be successful.

Today is December 1 and I asked myself what is something I can do that moves me towards my goal. Then I asked, what is my goal anyway?? This morning I lovingly adjusted my expectations and did a mini workout. I have decided that this month I will give a sneak peek of some of what I offer and provide some fun mini workouts on my website. I will share that later.

A smaller version of myself is still the pursuit of wellness with a large dose of grace. If you find yourself weary, overwhelmed, making choices that don’t honour your body and who you are meant to be in this season then maybe you would like to join me. Stay tuned.

This is me in the wee hours of the morning, in my pyjamas with an infant strapped on my chest. If I can do this so can you. Let’s do this!

Project Travel Mug

I seem to be accumulating an abundance of travel mugs lately. That may be because of my need to a) use the adult equivalent to a sippy cup b) preserve the integrity of my coffee temperature as it often gets put aside. I have spilled my coffee 4 times even with my new ‘sippy cups’…

I’ve been trying on a few subscriptions for size in the past couple of months. Our family now has a bone broth subscription and I have a monthly flower subscription. On top of that we are using a local meal kit service, a cleaning service and I have a couple of fitness classes too. Phew! Did I make you tired just listing all of that? Failure to plan is a plan to fail. (Did I just swear? I feel like that could be taken as curse words for someone..)

We have been in a holding pattern which has allowed my very busy brain some space to plan ahead. Our family is growing again. We shall soon have 4 children 4 and under. Plus two bigs who also live under our roof. It is a lot. This is a lot. Planning is required.

I’ve had to ask for help. I’ve had to hire help. I sometimes have to beg for help (“here, take this baby.. I am going to have a bath.”)

There are pieces to the puzzle I haven’t quite figured out and others I am trying on for size.

Overall I am feeling extremely grateful. And in the moments when I feel overwhelmed I will stop to smell the literal rose in my flower bouquet and sip some coffee, bone broth or just plain enjoy a crazy meal with my crazy family.

Project Basic

I have had to pare down my daily activities in recent days. I have done this in the name of both self care and survival.

Pushing pause on a few things that matter to me has been hard. And in the interest of mental health I need to find ways to integrate some of those things back in.

One thing I have added into our lives is playing music that either soothes or energizes me. I may also be singing along because that is just part of how I connect with my music.

Along those same lines, I have added in small Zumba sessions because it lifts my mood instantaneously and serves as exercise at a time when I find it next to impossible to have my hands free of babies.

I read the smallest little bit of my Bible app daily to make sure my mind is focused on things that guide my heart and mind in a way that serves myself and my family well.

So very basic. So very necessary.

Project Backtalk

I’ve been having to talk myself down the past several days. Our bodies makeup is quite astounding. Even when we think we are managing, our bodies are fairly adept at communicating otherwise. Chemically our bodies are intuitive and our brains communicate to the rest of our bodies in a way that should eventually get our attention. Ie tight muscles anyone? Ground down teeth?

Anxiety isn’t top of my list of what ails me. Being overwhelmed would be a better descriptor of what some days feel like. There are a lot of moving parts to this crazy life of ours. And I have fairly high expectations of myself. I am perpetually having to ease off the gas in my life to allow for reality to set in.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How does this busy and exhausted mama manage all of the things? Quite frankly, she doesn’t. She prioritizes and continues to adjust her expectations on the daily.

That mean girl, that cheeky, rude ‘devil on my shoulder’ keeps telling me I am not enough. That I do not do enough. That I should be able to do it all. Today, I choose to talk back to that internal voice and say ‘ENOUGH!’ Whatever I accomplish today, it is enough. I will speak kindness to myself and others. End of story.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to YOU oh LORD my GOD. The rest will take care of itself.