Project Do eeet!

I am posting this blog on the way to a local park to try out our new (to us) child carrier on an easy hike.

I should probably mention that I get motion sickness. I made the 10-10-10 commitment so I guess bring on the nausea induced burps!

An important part of my life is getting outside and moving my body in some capacity. As my particular depression was onset by an extended time of stress in my life, I go to great lengths to keep my stress levels under wraps. This means that I do not choose to punish my body through exercise but rather choose daily to engage in anything and everything that brings me back to the bliss of childhood. Swing sets, slides, swimming pools, splash pads, games of chase, and dancing are among the many activities I do. Today we add hiking back into the mix.

Wish me luck as I strap on a 30 lb wiggly toddler to my back and wage war against any insects that come my way.

Project Perfection

I think people worry about me when I am silent on social media. Being transparent about an illness such as depression means that seemingly every action or lack of action is scrutinized.

Can I just put everyone (or no one) at ease to let you know that I am ok? I mostly write in my brain these days because I am proud mama to a very busy (and very fast) toddler. In my quiet moments… and those are few…. I konk out.

Other than daily trying to outsmart a toddler (ie get ahead of the chaos) my creativity outlet has just had to wait. I don’t anticipate that little mister is going to get any less active so I am going to be pro-active.

I am practicing a 10-10-10 method. Today at 10 (well actually 10:30 I set my timer to just mind dump… publicly ….. eeeeep!!!!!!!) What I put out will be far from perfect. But it will be real. This is my way of retraining myself to pursue authenticity over perfection.

During this time: my computer has been shut off by little man who was telling me “all done, all done.”

little man has sprayed himself in the face with the water hose (we are outside btw)

little man has dipped the doggie pooper scooper in the pool

little man has run off with my phone and had a very animated conversation

Iris ( the fur baby) has chased a bunny and nearly bowled over the wee lad

little man has climbed on top of the hot tub

Worth it? We shall see! See you at 10 tomorrow … and the next day… and the next….

Project Elephant

“OH NO!!! Oh MY!! ” If there is an elephant in a story, 97% of the time baby McCutie pants will say this.

I have drafted and re-drafted how to address the elephant in the room…

“OH NO! OH MY!!”

Depression.

What started off as me writing from a place of vulnerability has become a thing of levity. Please don’t let my experience with depression diminish yours. Just know that in my own special way, I am trying to say “you are not alone.” (**HUGS**)

elephantmeme

Project HECK NO!!!!

A sure sign that I am aging is that I err more and more on the side of self-preservation. I won’t say that I am necessarily any wiser in my 40s but I can say that the flesh is no longer as cooperative as it once was.

We are celebrating 1 YEAR of entering the world of foster parenting! I can’t even remember what I did with all the time I had before. And I thought I was busy then??!?

Daily I find myself making choices:

Sleep in a little longer and forego my morning routine (this means some days I may forego pants) or get up early and pray the baby has a huge nap (this means I get a huge nap too.)

Go grocery shopping in the early morning hours (say hello senior citizens!) or race through Costco in the last 15 mins before school lets out.

Vacuum and make the dogs scramble (incidentally .. little mister loves to vacuum) or put on the aforementioned pants.

Attack my rigorous to-do list or play ‘crash the trucks’ with the wee lad.

You get the picture. In my infinite wisdom I find myself more and more choosing love over lists. Time over tasks. Snuggles over sacrifice.

Life is good. HECK NO to efficiency!!! HECK YES TO RELATIONSHIP!!!!

babymemes

Project Mom Jeans

I ripped my jeans. Technically, I did it mostly on purpose. I think what I created is called ‘Jorts?’ They aren’t pretty but they are functional.

My new normal, it ain’t pretty but it is …. functional?!? Umm… nope! Purposeful??! Yes. My new normal is purposeful.

We undertook the adventure of becoming foster parents to infants on purpose. We welcomed a wee little man into our home on purpose. We love and care for him with purpose.

Things I never thought I would say in my 40s:

“He puked inside my shirt.”

“You are getting your wiener all over my blankets!”

“Why are you licking the cat?”

“What’s that?? … oh…. it’s poo. There is poo in his ear.”

So why do it? Because. James 1:27

²⁷Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.