Project Clumsy

Not a day goes by when I don’t discover some unknown bruise on my body. I may run into a thing or two, or be clambered on by thing 1 and 2 (the toddlers) &/or beast 1 and 2 (the bernards.)

I also have some unseen booboos. These wounds typically manifest in the wee hours of the night when it is quiet. Yes, believe it or not… there is quiet… and there is alone time with my own thoughts. Every mistake I have ever made, every misspoken word, embarrassing moment, perceived failure, broken relationship comes back and torments me and tries to rob me of peace.

Wouldn’t it be astounding if I could write here and now, in this moment… that I have figured out how to deal? Moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day… I sometimes am victorious in taking those thoughts and practicing grace and forgiveness for myself. Other times, not so much. There have been more of the latter lately.

During covid physical distancing and isolation, I have found that those thoughts have been coming back on repeat,.. day after day. And have been left me feeling raw, worn out, and alone.

There is hope though… because I believe in Truth. And that Truth, which I choose to dive into day after day comes to me in the form of spending time with the Healer Immanuel and immersing myself in music that washes over me with waves of peace so that today… today can be just a bit better than yesterday.

This song is one that I sing day after day. It is my truth.

p.s. I didn’t want to write this. It isn’t funny. It isn’t light. But it is honest and sometimes that is enough.

Project Pissenlit

My humour is very refined. When I saw that ‘dandelion’ translates to ‘pissenlit’ in French, I giggled. I now only call dandelions ‘pissenlit’ because I am sophisticated like that. (See definition below)

I recently began limiting my caffeine intake to one coffee per day. To help curb that craving for a little pick me up in the afternoon I discovered that dandelion tea is a comparable substitute.

False. This is fake news. No matter how closely it resembles, dandelion tea is not coffee.

No matter how closely we make our new normal resemble our former life pre-covid; we all long for our normal normal.

Yes, we have become bakers, chefs, teachers, writers, poets, bloggers, and more. We are resilient. But let’s call a spade a spade. This. Sucketh.

(The web told me: “In French, dandelion is pissenlit, a noun composed of a conjugated form of the verb pisser, to piss, the preposition en, meaning in, and the noun lit, bed, because this plant was formerly well known for its diuretic properties.” )

Project Lustre

Breaking news! My sparkles are showing! Did you hear that hair colour has become the new toilet paper??!

An alien must have burst out of my face this morning because the mere application of lipstick seemed to solicit strange stares from the fam jam.

There has to be a happy compromise between incessantly grooming ourselves and changing from day pyjamas to night pyjamas.

This is a unique moment in our history. Yes, it is scary. Yes, it can feel stressful. Yes, it can feel overwhelming. We can feel ill prepared. But, each day we have an opportunity to be just a bit better than the last. Be kind to yourself. Extend grace to others and take one itty bitty baby step forward.

When all this covid is in the rearview, I suspect we are all going to look very different. I for one will be a little bit more sparkly and a lot more grateful.

Project Cozy cozy

Little R has taken to grabbing shirts, jackets, underwear, blankets and pillows in order to tuck himself into a cute little nest.

There is something to be said about being comfortable. We are NOT in comfortable times right now in the world . Many of us have found ourselves binge shopping, binge watching or binge eating in order to cope with a pandemic . I think it is times like these that show us what we are made of. Apparently a lot of us are made out of toilet paper??!

It would be very easy to just stay in my ugly sweats or pjs and melt into a puddle of complacency or fear. Perhaps we get a little bit too ‘cozy cozy’ when the world becomes simultaneously too big and too small as the world hyper focuses on the latest news on the covid19 virus.

As someone who has a predisposition towards depression; complacency and or fear are not winning scenarios. So, in the face of crisis, (for all of us) one thing I personally can do is show up. And not just show up, but show up a little bit better than I did yesterday. I have to see beyond myself and really reach in with my family, up to my Heavenly Father and out to those who don’t have the same supports and blessings I do.

We are all learning as we go. Today, I am choosing to up level my existence by writing this. Maybe one person will be blessed to know that I am struggling too?