Tag: Depression

Project Splash and Bubbles

I am not usually one to enter a room quietly. I am more of a ‘taaaa-daaaa’ kinda gal. Today’s blog comes to you live from the splash pad in my community. Thanks to my gal pal Elizabeth for chasing mister while I eek out a wee blog.

Recently, I heard the expression from Crystal Thompson @flourishintoyou that when we hide (whether literally or figuratively) because our bodies aren’t presenting themselves to the world the way we would like that we fail to show up authentically and thus don’t accomplish what we were placed in this world to do. (Rough paraphrase… sorry Crystal!!! Also the bold was accidental but I am also half chasing a toddler.)

I don’t want to half show up. I don’t want to not show up. I want to embrace my life Calling and show up with a ‘taaaaa-daaaaaa flourish!’

Depression makes it very hard to show up sometimes because some days it takes every ounce of your being to perform the most basic of tasks. You can’t give from an empty cup. So my flourish today including choosing NOT to vigorously workout, to nourish myself in a way that listens to my body cues and to walk in strength and dignity which includes just peacefully being me.

May you enter your day with a taaa-daaaa too.

Project Perfection

I think people worry about me when I am silent on social media. Being transparent about an illness such as depression means that seemingly every action or lack of action is scrutinized.

Can I just put everyone (or no one) at ease to let you know that I am ok? I mostly write in my brain these days because I am proud mama to a very busy (and very fast) toddler. In my quiet moments… and those are few…. I konk out.

Other than daily trying to outsmart a toddler (ie get ahead of the chaos) my creativity outlet has just had to wait. I don’t anticipate that little mister is going to get any less active so I am going to be pro-active.

I am practicing a 10-10-10 method. Today at 10 (well actually 10:30 I set my timer to just mind dump… publicly ….. eeeeep!!!!!!!) What I put out will be far from perfect. But it will be real. This is my way of retraining myself to pursue authenticity over perfection.

During this time:  my computer has been shut off by little man who was telling me “all done, all done.”

little man has sprayed himself in the face with the water hose (we are outside btw)

little man has dipped the doggie pooper scooper in the pool

little man has run off with my phone and had a very animated conversation

Iris ( the fur baby) has chased a bunny and nearly bowled over the wee lad

little man has climbed on top of the hot tub

Worth it? We shall see! See you at 10 tomorrow … and the next day… and the next….

Project Flip Flop

Hey! Remember when it was ok to say the word ‘thong’ and it wouldn’t conjure up embarrassed side glances?

I am obsessed with summer. Clear blue skies and sunshine lures me out daily… in shorts…even with single digit temperatures! I am Winnipeg? I am Winnipeg-er?

It only took me 35+ years, but I am finally comfortable (ish) in my own skin (sometimes.) Part of my journey back to mental healthfulness has included:  a) kindness and compassion towards the woman I see in the mirror  b) getting outside, Outside, OUTSIDE!!!

You get out there gurrrrrrl!  Don those shorts! Put on that cute top. Get yourself some fresh air and gain some perspective while you’re at it.

 

Project Pinky Swear

I have been known to throw a mean secret handshake in my day. And by secret, I mean I showed EVERYONE because my ‘secret’ handshakes were awesome!!!

I have never sworn a blood oath or sealed a promise with spit but I have been guilty of breaking promises. Let me take a moment to apologize…. to myself!

Self-care is a huge part of not just coping with my day to day but somehow through the mess joyfully thriving!

The past 3 weeks have been really hard. For some unknown reason, something in my body/brain chemistry has gone whackadoo (yes, that is a medical term.) Even though I have mostly done everything right-ish, I find myself in need of a little checkie-poo with my physician.

Herein lies the challenge… how do I honour my commitments to myself concerning self-care when my body/brain is in rebellion? And if my body/brain is in rebellion that means more than ever it is in need of self-care! ugh!!

I can’t pinky swear my way through this. But, I can extend kindness, compassion, grace, and understanding… and “get thee to a doctor!!” (thanks mom)

 

Project Factory Settings

In this age of smart phones, smart homes and smart watches I guess I have the dumb.

When I am feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and on the verge of exhaustion I have to pause.

I have to pause, take a breath and regroup. Sometimes this means I have to pull back…. waaaaaay back from the things I have taken on.

I love that our minds and bodies give us feedback that allows us to clue into our own dysfunction.

With these clues, I find that the most restorative things are the simple things, the mundane things that return my life rhythms to factory settings.

(I talk more about these practices in my new blog laviedouce.blog)

 

Project Asparagus

I may be a bad mom. I kind of lie sometimes to my children.

I lie about food. I may sometimes tell them that something “isn’t that bad” or “tastes like nothing.”

Asparagus has a taste. Asparagus has a distinct taste. Asparagus has a distinct smell, texture and aftermath. I. Am. A. Liar.

Depression gives my life a distinct texture. My life will never ‘feel’ the same again. When I take the time to examine the journey I catch a glimmer of something inexplicably beautiful.

P.S. I kind of like Asparagus.

beautifulthings

Project Elephant

“OH NO!!!  Oh MY!! ” If there is an elephant in a story, 97% of the time baby McCutie pants will say this.

I have drafted and re-drafted how to address the elephant in the room…

“OH NO! OH MY!!”

Depression.

What started off as me writing from a place of vulnerability has become a thing of levity. Please don’t let my experience with depression diminish yours. Just know that in my own special way, I am trying to say “you are not alone.” (**HUGS**)

elephantmeme

 

Project la vie douce

I have a dirty little secret…

I hate socks.

The only time I regret this choice is when I accidentally slip in dog drool. (Do you need me to repeat that? I said “slip in dog drool.”)

My husband faithfully purchases me socks every Christmas. (Did I mention I slip in dog drool? Often?) One does not slip in dog drool while wearing socks.

La vie douce for me is wearing socks almost never and shoes only when it is deemed necessary.

I love the feel of the earth under my bare feet.  Those feet have carried me thus far. And I am grateful.

La vie douce. It is good. So very good.

 

Project YOU!!

I hate lego. I hate lego mostly because I am not good at it.

I am not going to be good at everything. And even if I am really, really, REALLY good at something …. there will always be someone better at it. Does that mean I should stop doing that thing?

There will always be someone better, faster, smarter, taller, skinnier, stronger, richer, smellier… (just checking to see if you were still reading…)

But guess what?? Nobody. Not. One. Person. Not one person in this whole wide universe has the perfect combination of you-ness that makes you a one of a kind, amazing, masterpiece. So there. You do you! Be all you can be! RA-RA-RA!!!!!

*Just putting this out there because someone needed to be reminded of that today.

 

 

Project Kung Fu Fighting

Nothing makes me feel more ninja-like than trying to fold a fitted sheet.

I am not saying that I am ‘twitter patted’ ala Thumper; but I definitely have spring fever.  The pockets of clutter in our home and my reactionary schedule are telltale signs of dysfunction.

To be free to respond to opportunities without feeling stressed out and overwhelmed, I have  begun flexing my muscles and attacking my days like a ninja.