Project Asparagus

I may be a bad mom. I kind of lie sometimes to my children.

I lie about food. I may sometimes tell them that something “isn’t that bad” or “tastes like nothing.”

Asparagus has a taste. Asparagus has a distinct taste. Asparagus has a distinct smell, texture and aftermath. I. Am. A. Liar.

Depression gives my life a distinct texture. My life will never ‘feel’ the same again. When I take the time to examine the journey I catch a glimmer of something inexplicably beautiful.

P.S. I kind of like Asparagus.

Project Elephant

“OH NO!!! Oh MY!! ” If there is an elephant in a story, 97% of the time baby McCutie pants will say this.

I have drafted and re-drafted how to address the elephant in the room…

“OH NO! OH MY!!”

Depression.

What started off as me writing from a place of vulnerability has become a thing of levity. Please don’t let my experience with depression diminish yours. Just know that in my own special way, I am trying to say “you are not alone.” (**HUGS**)

elephantmeme

Project la vie douce

I have a dirty little secret…

I hate socks.

The only time I regret this choice is when I accidentally slip in dog drool. (Do you need me to repeat that? I said “slip in dog drool.”)

My husband faithfully purchases me socks every Christmas. (Did I mention I slip in dog drool? Often?) One does not slip in dog drool while wearing socks.

La vie douce for me is wearing socks almost never and shoes only when it is deemed necessary.

I love the feel of the earth under my bare feet. Those feet have carried me thus far. And I am grateful.

La vie douce. It is good. So very good.

Project YOU!!

I hate lego. I hate lego mostly because I am not good at it.

I am not going to be good at everything. And even if I am really, really, REALLY good at something …. there will always be someone better at it. Does that mean I should stop doing that thing?

There will always be someone better, faster, smarter, taller, skinnier, stronger, richer, smellier… (just checking to see if you were still reading…)

But guess what?? Nobody. Not. One. Person. Not one person in this whole wide universe has the perfect combination of you-ness that makes you a one of a kind, amazing, masterpiece. So there. You do you! Be all you can be! RA-RA-RA!!!!!

*Just putting this out there because someone needed to be reminded of that today.

Project Kung Fu Fighting

Nothing makes me feel more ninja-like than trying to fold a fitted sheet.

I am not saying that I am ‘twitter patted’ ala Thumper; but I definitely have spring fever. The pockets of clutter in our home and my reactionary schedule are telltale signs of dysfunction.

To be free to respond to opportunities without feeling stressed out and overwhelmed, I have begun flexing my muscles and attacking my days like a ninja.

Project HECK NO!!!!

A sure sign that I am aging is that I err more and more on the side of self-preservation. I won’t say that I am necessarily any wiser in my 40s but I can say that the flesh is no longer as cooperative as it once was.

We are celebrating 1 YEAR of entering the world of foster parenting! I can’t even remember what I did with all the time I had before. And I thought I was busy then??!?

Daily I find myself making choices:

Sleep in a little longer and forego my morning routine (this means some days I may forego pants) or get up early and pray the baby has a huge nap (this means I get a huge nap too.)

Go grocery shopping in the early morning hours (say hello senior citizens!) or race through Costco in the last 15 mins before school lets out.

Vacuum and make the dogs scramble (incidentally .. little mister loves to vacuum) or put on the aforementioned pants.

Attack my rigorous to-do list or play ‘crash the trucks’ with the wee lad.

You get the picture. In my infinite wisdom I find myself more and more choosing love over lists. Time over tasks. Snuggles over sacrifice.

Life is good. HECK NO to efficiency!!! HECK YES TO RELATIONSHIP!!!!

babymemes

Project Mom Jeans

I ripped my jeans. Technically, I did it mostly on purpose. I think what I created is called ‘Jorts?’ They aren’t pretty but they are functional.

My new normal, it ain’t pretty but it is …. functional?!? Umm… nope! Purposeful??! Yes. My new normal is purposeful.

We undertook the adventure of becoming foster parents to infants on purpose. We welcomed a wee little man into our home on purpose. We love and care for him with purpose.

Things I never thought I would say in my 40s:

“He puked inside my shirt.”

“You are getting your wiener all over my blankets!”

“Why are you licking the cat?”

“What’s that?? … oh…. it’s poo. There is poo in his ear.”

So why do it? Because. James 1:27

²⁷Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Project Floor time

Our pup loves mud puddles and it just so happens our backyard is a giant mud puddle.

Floor time has become part of my new normal. Between puppy play time, baby play time and diaper changes, I practically live on the floor.

I have learned some lessons from the floor.

I am not as young as I used to be. (The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.)
Dirt is fleeting.
Relationship trumps mess every time.

Project Leggo my Eggo

Depression is a jerk and a liar.

But depression is also the reason why I have the quiet confidence in the now…how I choose to spend my time on the good days and being OK in the stillness of the bad ones.

Depression is the reason that I have quiet confidence in the what…what I do with my limited emotional and physical stamina. My depression is like a sieve that allows me to really hone into what is important.

Depression is the reason I have quiet confidence in the who… I am fiercely loved and I love fiercely. My God is faithful.

Is it scandalous for me to say that I am grateful for this struggle?

Project Peek A Boo

Just because depression is part of my journey doesn’t mean that I need to be encased in bubble wrap. Although, now that I think about it, bubble wrap pants sounds like an excellent idea…. I may have to pursue that…

I want to tell you a little secret…….. I can still be me, be ok, do stuff, AND have depression. Don’t be afraid to ask the people in your life who also struggle with depression to do stuff and things. It makes us feel love and value.