Project Pancake

I lost something. It was kind of important to me. It supported me in a lot of my undertakings. I lost my butt. My butt as in my gluteal musculature. I am now the proud owner of a pancake bottom.

Although I have been successful at continually moving my body in some capacity over the past 3 months, I have not been quite so successful at my weight exercises. When one does a substantial amount of movement without the benefit of weight resistance, then the result can be a loss of muscle mass.

The good news is, my body remembers. My muscles remember what to do. There is still some residual strength there to go about my day to day. But for the sake of my overall health, especially as I am considered ‘mid-life’ (*GASP*) I must improve on that endeavor.

As most fitness professionals like myself do, I delved back into…. GOOGLE! Yes, I googled how to do what I need to do. I consider that a soft opening, a little kick in the tush to jog my brain into action.

I remind myself daily that I am a wife and proud mom to 6 children with a 7th in heaven (5 of whom are or would have been under 4 years of age.) They all take up space in my brain, in my heart, in my life. To manage my energy and my stress (parenting is hard!!) I need to prioritize more intentional movement.

I have adopted a ‘can do’ attitude for this week.. I don’t know what next week will look like..

This week, I have chosen to capitalize on the infant’s floor time play and have done planks, push-ups, and core exercises. I have chosen to do some lower body work with an infant strapped on to my body (notice the theme here?? this adorable infant is my daily sidekick in pretty much everything… sometimes even trips to the bathroom.) I don’t even know what later on today might bring let alone tomorrow, but I will draw on the resources available to me and take action. A little bit day by day is enough.

This isn’t about welcoming in the new year. This is not a resolution. This is about listening to myself & my body day by day, little by little over time. Forever!

Cheers!!!!

Project Mini Me

I have come to accept the thought that even a smaller version of me is still worth pursuing.

I am supposed to be in a 5 day intensive training to become a personal trainer starting today.

If you have been following my life at all, you are aware that we have been walking through extreme hardship, grief and a glimmer of hope coming our way. I have pushed this goal of becoming a personal trainer to 2022 when I can give myself and the course the attention required to be successful.

Today is December 1 and I asked myself what is something I can do that moves me towards my goal. Then I asked, what is my goal anyway?? This morning I lovingly adjusted my expectations and did a mini workout. I have decided that this month I will give a sneak peek of some of what I offer and provide some fun mini workouts on my website. I will share that later.

A smaller version of myself is still the pursuit of wellness with a large dose of grace. If you find yourself weary, overwhelmed, making choices that don’t honour your body and who you are meant to be in this season then maybe you would like to join me. Stay tuned.

This is me in the wee hours of the morning, in my pyjamas with an infant strapped on my chest. If I can do this so can you. Let’s do this!

Project Travel Mug

I seem to be accumulating an abundance of travel mugs lately. That may be because of my need to a) use the adult equivalent to a sippy cup b) preserve the integrity of my coffee temperature as it often gets put aside. I have spilled my coffee 4 times even with my new ‘sippy cups’…

I’ve been trying on a few subscriptions for size in the past couple of months. Our family now has a bone broth subscription and I have a monthly flower subscription. On top of that we are using a local meal kit service, a cleaning service and I have a couple of fitness classes too. Phew! Did I make you tired just listing all of that? Failure to plan is a plan to fail. (Did I just swear? I feel like that could be taken as curse words for someone..)

We have been in a holding pattern which has allowed my very busy brain some space to plan ahead. Our family is growing again. We shall soon have 4 children 4 and under. Plus two bigs who also live under our roof. It is a lot. This is a lot. Planning is required.

I’ve had to ask for help. I’ve had to hire help. I sometimes have to beg for help (“here, take this baby.. I am going to have a bath.”)

There are pieces to the puzzle I haven’t quite figured out and others I am trying on for size.

Overall I am feeling extremely grateful. And in the moments when I feel overwhelmed I will stop to smell the literal rose in my flower bouquet and sip some coffee, bone broth or just plain enjoy a crazy meal with my crazy family.

Project Basic

I have had to pare down my daily activities in recent days. I have done this in the name of both self care and survival.

Pushing pause on a few things that matter to me has been hard. And in the interest of mental health I need to find ways to integrate some of those things back in.

One thing I have added into our lives is playing music that either soothes or energizes me. I may also be singing along because that is just part of how I connect with my music.

Along those same lines, I have added in small Zumba sessions because it lifts my mood instantaneously and serves as exercise at a time when I find it next to impossible to have my hands free of babies.

I read the smallest little bit of my Bible app daily to make sure my mind is focused on things that guide my heart and mind in a way that serves myself and my family well.

So very basic. So very necessary.

Project Backtalk

I’ve been having to talk myself down the past several days. Our bodies makeup is quite astounding. Even when we think we are managing, our bodies are fairly adept at communicating otherwise. Chemically our bodies are intuitive and our brains communicate to the rest of our bodies in a way that should eventually get our attention. Ie tight muscles anyone? Ground down teeth?

Anxiety isn’t top of my list of what ails me. Being overwhelmed would be a better descriptor of what some days feel like. There are a lot of moving parts to this crazy life of ours. And I have fairly high expectations of myself. I am perpetually having to ease off the gas in my life to allow for reality to set in.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. How does this busy and exhausted mama manage all of the things? Quite frankly, she doesn’t. She prioritizes and continues to adjust her expectations on the daily.

That mean girl, that cheeky, rude ‘devil on my shoulder’ keeps telling me I am not enough. That I do not do enough. That I should be able to do it all. Today, I choose to talk back to that internal voice and say ‘ENOUGH!’ Whatever I accomplish today, it is enough. I will speak kindness to myself and others. End of story.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to YOU oh LORD my GOD. The rest will take care of itself.

Project Mean Girl … again

I. Am. A. Mean. Girl. I have absolutely no patience with myself and my limitations. I expect the world (of myself) and find myself lacking …often. Talk about the perfect recipe for a personal crisis.

I have a newborn baby. I am not 20 anymore… in fact I am closer to 50. Whaaaat???! I was tired with my newborns in my 20s. Why should I expect any different of myself now? I also have a 1 year old whose primary objective is to destroy the house on the daily. And a 4 year old whose very essence reeks of independence and sass. I have good reason to feel a bit tired.

Add to these variables that we are reeling from the recent knowledge that the baby girl we raised from 3 days old to 14 mos old passed away under tragic circumstances while no longer in our care. And we are in a daily fight to try and bring her brother back home to us. This is all exhausting. This mama is weary. This is a time for Grace if ever there was one.

So what does self care look like right now? My self care allows for tears. It allows for more Starbucks iced coffees than it should. It allows for gentle movement. It allows for showing up just as I am and having that be good enough.

My self care also says ‘yes.’ It says ‘yes’ to meals being provided and ‘yes’ to gifts of cards and flowers and meal delivery services. It says ‘yes’ to people who offer support through prayer or other intangibles.

My top 5 K.I.S.S. Plan (keep it simple sweetie/stupid) for now is:

Be kind! Move my body when I can however I can.

Be kind! Sleep or snooze or at least rest whenever I can.

Be kind! Be present in the moment because these sweet ones grow all too quickly.

Be joyful. Whatever that looks like… it could be dancing or singing along to a favourite song or being silly with the kids.

Just be. Whatever I feel… (and those feelings are coming fast and furious )… just allow them. Tears are healing balm to my broken heart. Accept that some days are easier and some days are harder. Just be. And breathe.

Project Flamenco

I have discovered a magic pill… flamenco dancing. Well, the Zumba version because I am pretty sure I am not coordinated enough for the real deal.

Lots has been happening in our foster home over the past couple of weeks. There has been devastating grief as the very real possibility of our two littlest babies reuniting with their mama has become apparent. As much as that is the goal of fostering, we love each child in our home as if they are ours so of course it hurts… a lot.

And so, what is a girl to do? I dance. I hold those babies tight and shake what my mama gave me.

I am no scientist but chemically speaking, dopamine is released during exercise. My mental acuity improves as my brain signals my body to move at a certain pace with specific moves. As I learn to move, I am also learning to instruct which means that my brain and body are working even harder still. All of which distracts me from a broken heart.

I need all the help I can get otherwise I am very sad. The last thing a girl with depression needs is something to push her equilibrium over in the wrong direction. I guess you could call this self medicating?

So, flamenco I shall.

Project Richard Simmons

If I were to choose a word to describe how I feel about Richard Simmons and his legacy of ‘Sweating to the oldies’, I would have to choose the word ‘DELIGHT.’

I have literally had complaints from my downstairs neighbours back in the day for enjoying my Richard Simmons a tad too much. (In retrospect, I didn’t think that one through. I feel I am a more respectful neighbour now.)

We are in another month of code red restrictions in our province. For those with depression, anxiety or any combination of the two.. covid is hard! Chemically speaking, on top of the medication I take, I try and do things physically that increase the happy hormones in my body. I think we all could use a good dose of happy about now.

So, break out your sweat band! Get outside! Get a puppy? (Nope. Scrap that, watch puppy videos.) Learn something! Hug your kids! Eat well! Take your vitamins and think yourself happy and grateful. There is light at the end of all this!

In the meantime, do not tire of doing good.

And now, let’s watch some Richard Simmons! So good!

Project Cartwheel

Once upon a time, I could do cartwheels. The. End. (Ha! If only…)

It is pretty amazing that tiny, incremental steps towards a goal open up infinitesimal possibilities (referring to all of my covid19 induced fitness certifications and licenses—- I am working on my 4th now.)

As I am sure you know, our phones and devices spy on us. Lately, in my social media feed, ads for a pathway to handstands keeps popping up. Surely learning how to do a handstand is the next obvious step in my journey… yes??!??

I am learning more and more that I want the things I do (particularly in the realm of fitness) to be more about function than say becoming a… ??! Fitness guru? Model? Know it all??!

So please, if you hear me saying I am working on my handstands, know that it is only so I can keep myself from falling on my head should such an occasion arise. I am nothing if not Practical.

This message is brought to you by your local ‘Ninjas are us’.

Project Burpee

I was almost sidelined by a burpee. All I needed was one good burpee and somehow I couldn’t get out of my own way.

Fear of: a) tripping over my own feet b) my sports bra failing me c) being judged for being less than perfect stopped me. (Did you notice how I snuck that one in at the end?)

If I waited until I was perfect I would never do anything. So here’s to doing it anyway. If, a) I trip … then I will laugh. b) my bosoms fly.. laugh again (and invest in a better sports bra.) c) someone judges me… well,..that isn’t any of my business.

I am taking my recent fitness instructor training online because … covid. This is an exciting venture and I won’t let a burpee stop me. (Details to come!)

How about we all get out of our own way every now and again and do the thing we feel called to.