Tag: love

Project Canoodle

I can’t show you the images that are emblazoned on my heart. I can’t share the photos of *’our’ baby girl in heaven.

As I snuggle up with her big brother in the home he knows so well, my heart swells with love. But, each time I do (and it is often!) my heart eeks out just a little of the intense grief that I keep carefully tamped down.

You see, he has her eyes.

I cling to the image of that baby girl snuggled up in the arms of Jesus. Daily, her big brother is snuggled up in mine. She is HOME.

*in our home (as foster parents or otherwise) we don’t distinguish how we love. ‘Born into’ or ‘chosen’ for our family, we love wholly.

Project “that’s famous!”

Baby R has a new learning app that rewards him for his good work with ‘that’s famous!’ He hasn’t regurgitated that expression yet but he does applaud himself for his sneezes with a ‘good one.’ We teach him amazing stuff.

What a world we would live in if we spent more time giving ourselves (and others) a little credit. A little “I am doing this thing in this moment in time to the best of my abilities and It. Is. Good.” Or in baby R’s case… good sneeze.

As someone who primarily utilizes self-deprecating humour as a defence/coping mechanism, I find this hard. And if I view myself this way… does that not taint how I view others?

So, I’ve been practicing grace. For my purposes I am going to oversimplify the definition as ‘unmerited kindness.’ My friends! Can we just be a little bit more kind?!? Please??! Kind in such a way that doesn’t even make sense, that is bigger than us, and more loving than we can even imagine.

This message is brought to you by: 6 mos of not sleeping through the night, adding a newborn to our baby posse, going out in public with puke in my hair or on my shirt, wearing clothes inside out or backwards, and the letter ‘f’.

Project American Express

I feel like I have been running up a huge credit card bill.

I am in debt because of all of the night’s sleep I have had to lay on the altar. I am in debt because I don’t get to go to the bathroom alone. I am in debt because I have to leave the dishes, the laundry, the floors undone for the sake of relationship.

To cook with a baby on one hip, and the other one pilfering the contents of my cupboards is a privilege. And, it is fun!

But, I think I have to put myself on a budget. At some point, something in my psyche (or the crazy haired/eye bagged lady staring back in the mirror at me) is going to have to say.. “JAIL BREAK!” We all need a moment. We need a moment to recharge. We need a moment to fill up. We need a moment to just be us. We need that moment to just be us so that we can run up the tab again and still find it fun.

tired

Project Lipstick

So it turns out it is national lipstick day! Who knew? So I slapped on some lipstick. Why not?

For me lipstick is synonymous with girl power. This may have something to do with:

A) I am a Mary Kay cosmetics rep and Mary Kay the woman and the company are all about girl power!

B) I fully believe in the idea of giving yourself a little pick me up with something as simple as applying a touch of makeup.

Can we take this idea a little further? What if lipstick could represent the idea of caring for the here and now? Embracing the situation we are in and putting our best foot/face/effort forward?

If we are always looking ahead, then we will miss the extravagant gift of the here and now. If we are saving our best selves for the future then I am afraid we will be sadly disappointed.

I promise that if you fail to appreciate the now you will never be happy in the days ahead. Food for thought. Now go thee therefore and apply some lipstick!

Project Earworm

Celine Dion!!!

Did I just date myself? That’s right… I said it. I am a Celine Dion fan, so there.

Approximately a year and a half ago I had the thought that if nothing else… I was to love wholly and sing over the baby/& or babies brought to our home through foster care.

When words fail, sometimes the song that comes up in our mind/heart just seems to do the trick. Healing balm to a hurting soul via earworm.

Little man has something up today,… the cause has yet to be determined. Teeth are always a very real possibility. On days like this, we look one another in the eyes and just sing together. It is so very precious. So very healing. So very pure. It is also the perfect picture of what I believe to be true of my Heavenly Father who rejoices over me with singing…  & He quiets me with His love. (Zephaniah 3:16-17)

Featured

Project Me, myself, and I

Today’s blog is brought to you @selfaesthetics with my forever friend Tanya Lilley-Chan. I am so grateful to have Tanya back in my life during my seemingly mid-life crisis. She makes me feel body confident and teaches me to age with grace… and Botox!

I facetiously named this blog narcissistically because I HATE making everything about me. I have the best people in my life. True forever friends who have seen me at my worst and at my best. I love doing life in tandem with my lovely gal pals. Feeling alone does NOT have to be a thing. Depression or no… I am not alone. It takes a village. Thank you Tanya Lilley-Chan for being my friend since we were preschoolers. Love you to the moon and back forevermore.

Ps here is a shameless pitch for @selfaesthetics … if you have pondered the freedom of laser hair removal DO IT! If you wondered if Botox makes you look like Tim Allen in Skipping Christmas… you won’t. If there is a little something you would like to lift, tighten, brighten, augment or just plain feel a little better please do call Tanya @selfaesthetics (204) 237-1388

Project Flip Flop

Hey! Remember when it was ok to say the word ‘thong’ and it wouldn’t conjure up embarrassed side glances?

I am obsessed with summer. Clear blue skies and sunshine lures me out daily… in shorts…even with single digit temperatures! I am Winnipeg? I am Winnipeg-er?

It only took me 35+ years, but I am finally comfortable (ish) in my own skin (sometimes.) Part of my journey back to mental healthfulness has included:  a) kindness and compassion towards the woman I see in the mirror  b) getting outside, Outside, OUTSIDE!!!

You get out there gurrrrrrl!  Don those shorts! Put on that cute top. Get yourself some fresh air and gain some perspective while you’re at it.

 

Project Pinky Swear

I have been known to throw a mean secret handshake in my day. And by secret, I mean I showed EVERYONE because my ‘secret’ handshakes were awesome!!!

I have never sworn a blood oath or sealed a promise with spit but I have been guilty of breaking promises. Let me take a moment to apologize…. to myself!

Self-care is a huge part of not just coping with my day to day but somehow through the mess joyfully thriving!

The past 3 weeks have been really hard. For some unknown reason, something in my body/brain chemistry has gone whackadoo (yes, that is a medical term.) Even though I have mostly done everything right-ish, I find myself in need of a little checkie-poo with my physician.

Herein lies the challenge… how do I honour my commitments to myself concerning self-care when my body/brain is in rebellion? And if my body/brain is in rebellion that means more than ever it is in need of self-care! ugh!!

I can’t pinky swear my way through this. But, I can extend kindness, compassion, grace, and understanding… and “get thee to a doctor!!” (thanks mom)

 

Project la vie douce

I have a dirty little secret…

I hate socks.

The only time I regret this choice is when I accidentally slip in dog drool. (Do you need me to repeat that? I said “slip in dog drool.”)

My husband faithfully purchases me socks every Christmas. (Did I mention I slip in dog drool? Often?) One does not slip in dog drool while wearing socks.

La vie douce for me is wearing socks almost never and shoes only when it is deemed necessary.

I love the feel of the earth under my bare feet.  Those feet have carried me thus far. And I am grateful.

La vie douce. It is good. So very good.

 

Project HECK NO!!!!

A sure sign that I am aging is that I err more and more on the side of self-preservation. I won’t say that I am necessarily any wiser in my 40s but I can say that the flesh is no longer as cooperative as it once was.

We are celebrating 1 YEAR of entering the world of foster parenting! I can’t even remember what I did with all the time I had before. And I thought I was busy then??!?

Daily I find myself making choices:

Sleep in a little longer and forego my morning routine (this means some days I may forego pants) or get up early and pray the baby has a huge nap (this means I get a huge nap too.)

Go grocery shopping in the early morning hours (say hello senior citizens!) or race through Costco in the last 15 mins before school lets out.

Vacuum and make the dogs scramble (incidentally .. little mister loves to vacuum) or put on the aforementioned pants.

Attack my rigorous to-do list or play ‘crash the trucks’ with the wee lad.

You get the picture. In my infinite wisdom I find myself more and more choosing love over lists. Time over tasks. Snuggles over sacrifice.

Life is good. HECK NO to efficiency!!! HECK YES TO RELATIONSHIP!!!!

babymemes