Project Skip Leap

I spent way too long last summer trying to talk myself into jumping off our boat into the lake. When did I become the fearful one? How can I be paralyzed in some ways and so free in others?

In fitness I have learned about muscular hyper mobility as well as impingements. How can one body be so free in some ways and literally/stuck/ frozen/limited in either strength or mobility in others?

I love the word ‘undergird’ .. mostly because it makes me think of girdles .. and I think ‘girdle’ is a funny word. In order to find freedom in my mind and body I have had to go to the core. The root of who I am. The core of my being. The part the girdle holds in place. 😜

My days are not my own right now. My life is not my own for this very busy season. But that doesn’t make me less ‘me.’ If anything, I am more ‘me’ because everything else has been stripped away. It has been stripped away by a pandemic, trauma and loss, our life stage with all of our children and the fact we are aging. Mid life crisis anyone??!

Life is full. Life is crazy. Life can be chaotic. It can be stressful. It is definitely tiring. But our core, the core of our family, of our ‘us’-ness is still consistent.

My core is strong, dysfunctional in some ways but stable in others. But as the plumb line of my life slowly aligns with truth and heals, I know that things will feel better and I will get better at the ‘more’ of life.

Fear doesn’t get to define me. I will not be held back by my body, toxic thoughts, toxic relationships or poor habits. These are things I can control. These are things we all have power over.

What method do you use to find your alignment in your life, your plumb line?

Project Mini Me

I have come to accept the thought that even a smaller version of me is still worth pursuing.

I am supposed to be in a 5 day intensive training to become a personal trainer starting today.

If you have been following my life at all, you are aware that we have been walking through extreme hardship, grief and a glimmer of hope coming our way. I have pushed this goal of becoming a personal trainer to 2022 when I can give myself and the course the attention required to be successful.

Today is December 1 and I asked myself what is something I can do that moves me towards my goal. Then I asked, what is my goal anyway?? This morning I lovingly adjusted my expectations and did a mini workout. I have decided that this month I will give a sneak peek of some of what I offer and provide some fun mini workouts on my website. I will share that later.

A smaller version of myself is still the pursuit of wellness with a large dose of grace. If you find yourself weary, overwhelmed, making choices that don’t honour your body and who you are meant to be in this season then maybe you would like to join me. Stay tuned.

This is me in the wee hours of the morning, in my pyjamas with an infant strapped on my chest. If I can do this so can you. Let’s do this!

Project psssst…

I didn’t even know the word ‘dry shampoo’ when a can of ‘psssst’ found its way into my bathroom cabinet. Perhaps it was a slight misstep in name as it conjures up images of muppets in trench coats asking if I want to buy the letter ‘b’. Nevertheless it is a brand name that is still in my mind over 20 years later.

I think we all make slight missteps in how we brand ourselves in this world where self-promotion through social media allows us to manipulate perception through posts and pics of our very best days.

I am not defined by my depression. It is not my brand. It is just part of my journey. I get to hone in on what really matters in my life because my body throws up cues and warning signals when I misstep. I think rather than an attitude of woe is me perhaps that is a reason to be thankful.

Project Metamucil

Writer’s constipation. It is now a thing.

The overflow of a life well lived is creativity. Creativity without action = bunged up.

Crap.

And so today, I declare, I shall create. Boom.

Project Tantrum

I may be writing this post from under my bed sheets. When adulthood comes a knocking; my inner child may or may not throw a hissy fit.

The reality is, I am an adult and as such have adult responsibilities. I am not talking about the day in and day out things of life but the sucky adult stuff like … I don’t know… applying for extended health care coverage or making RRSP contributions. Barf!

These are the things that make my anxiety levels skyrocket and my decision making ability goes ‘byeeeeee!!’ Then, because depression is a liar… my self worth comes under fire. It is a vicious cycle.

It is very easy to revert back to a tween in my coping … or lack thereof. To quote Chris Evans aka Captain America “I don’t wike it.”

Project ‘Much ado about nothing’

So, yeah… I just ripped off Shakespeare…. (btw… if you google that particular piece of work just know that the cinematic version with Emma Thompson has lots of butts in it.)

Once upon a time, there was a girl who was fearless. She didn’t shy away from ner a bully or a challenge. One day, she decided that she wanted to invent something out of nothing…. well not quite nothing. In fact, one might say it was quite a bit actually.

You see, her pantry overflowed. Her fridge was packed and her freezer was bursting. Determined not to throw out another head of lettuce or a furry steak she decided to take stock. ‘Surely,’ she said to herself, ‘out of such abundance she could feed her family on a budget for a month.’

Many questioned the wisdom of such an undertaking. Why would she do such a thing?

to be creative with what is already right in her hands.
to be less wasteful. (ie. a good steward)
to challenge herself to grow through taking on something new.

P.S. does anyone have a good recipe for random, unidentified dried goods? (asking for a friend….)