Project Wag the dog

I believe I can extrapolate enough evidence to prove definitively that… I. AM. NOT. IN. CHARGE. Case in point, Iris Bernard Campbell decided to chase a squirrel on today’s walk…. I almost bit it. (no, I did not eat squirrel… although I hear it tastes like chicken….)

I don’t have control over a lot of things, but I do have control over my thoughts. I wage battle daily against the trap of despair, defeat, and comparison. Who’s walking who?

Today, I am firmly grounded in truth. Tomorrow, I will wage war again.

Project Step it up

Today’s blog is brought to you courtesy of goose poop. (yes… I planned my blog on today’s morning walk… ) Canada Geese and goose poop are part of my daily norm.

I need to reference Crystal Thompson again @flourishintoyou -www.flourishintoyou.com as her wisdom seems to be a common thread underlying my bursts of inspiration. Her and Matthew McConaughey. I listened to the speech below this morning on ‘happiness.’ Take a listen and then think about your next right step in your daily battle.

Let’s hope we all avoid ‘stepping in it’ today.

Project Input Output

Should I be concerned for my character if the person I spend the most time with is under 2 years of age? You know that expression ‘you become like the 5 people you spend time with?’ So if you see an increase in curiosity and exuberance I guess blame it on the baby…??

As someone who does not possess infinite amounts of energy I try and be discerning about the who and how of my time. That combined with a short attention span *squirrel!!* make it so that each day I filter out more and more and focus on the better.

Just as I am careful about how I nourish my body with food (please do not read this to mean ‘diet’) I also strive to feed my mind and soul with the ‘better.’

I am in the process of cultivating a better morning and evening routine so that: a) I get enough sleep b) I don’t waste time with mindless netflicks or social media c) I am able to daily face what comes my way because I have spent time intentionally with the One who matters most.

How could we all do a bit better in the how and who of our days? Who are your top 5 people? How do they impact your character? If you needed to recharge what is your go to?

Project Do eeet!

I am posting this blog on the way to a local park to try out our new (to us) child carrier on an easy hike.

I should probably mention that I get motion sickness. I made the 10-10-10 commitment so I guess bring on the nausea induced burps!

An important part of my life is getting outside and moving my body in some capacity. As my particular depression was onset by an extended time of stress in my life, I go to great lengths to keep my stress levels under wraps. This means that I do not choose to punish my body through exercise but rather choose daily to engage in anything and everything that brings me back to the bliss of childhood. Swing sets, slides, swimming pools, splash pads, games of chase, and dancing are among the many activities I do. Today we add hiking back into the mix.

Wish me luck as I strap on a 30 lb wiggly toddler to my back and wage war against any insects that come my way.

Project Me, myself, and I

Today’s blog is brought to you @selfaesthetics with my forever friend Tanya Lilley-Chan. I am so grateful to have Tanya back in my life during my seemingly mid-life crisis. She makes me feel body confident and teaches me to age with grace… and Botox!

I facetiously named this blog narcissistically because I HATE making everything about me. I have the best people in my life. True forever friends who have seen me at my worst and at my best. I love doing life in tandem with my lovely gal pals. Feeling alone does NOT have to be a thing. Depression or no… I am not alone. It takes a village. Thank you Tanya Lilley-Chan for being my friend since we were preschoolers. Love you to the moon and back forevermore.

Ps here is a shameless pitch for @selfaesthetics … if you have pondered the freedom of laser hair removal DO IT! If you wondered if Botox makes you look like Tim Allen in Skipping Christmas… you won’t. If there is a little something you would like to lift, tighten, brighten, augment or just plain feel a little better please do call Tanya @selfaesthetics (204) 237-1388

Project Splash and Bubbles

I am not usually one to enter a room quietly. I am more of a ‘taaaa-daaaa’ kinda gal. Today’s blog comes to you live from the splash pad in my community. Thanks to my gal pal Elizabeth for chasing mister while I eek out a wee blog.

Recently, I heard the expression from Crystal Thompson @flourishintoyou that when we hide (whether literally or figuratively) because our bodies aren’t presenting themselves to the world the way we would like that we fail to show up authentically and thus don’t accomplish what we were placed in this world to do. (Rough paraphrase… sorry Crystal!!! Also the bold was accidental but I am also half chasing a toddler.)

I don’t want to half show up. I don’t want to not show up. I want to embrace my life Calling and show up with a ‘taaaaa-daaaaaa flourish!’

Depression makes it very hard to show up sometimes because some days it takes every ounce of your being to perform the most basic of tasks. You can’t give from an empty cup. So my flourish today including choosing NOT to vigorously workout, to nourish myself in a way that listens to my body cues and to walk in strength and dignity which includes just peacefully being me.

May you enter your day with a taaa-daaaa too.

Project Perfection

I think people worry about me when I am silent on social media. Being transparent about an illness such as depression means that seemingly every action or lack of action is scrutinized.

Can I just put everyone (or no one) at ease to let you know that I am ok? I mostly write in my brain these days because I am proud mama to a very busy (and very fast) toddler. In my quiet moments… and those are few…. I konk out.

Other than daily trying to outsmart a toddler (ie get ahead of the chaos) my creativity outlet has just had to wait. I don’t anticipate that little mister is going to get any less active so I am going to be pro-active.

I am practicing a 10-10-10 method. Today at 10 (well actually 10:30 I set my timer to just mind dump… publicly ….. eeeeep!!!!!!!) What I put out will be far from perfect. But it will be real. This is my way of retraining myself to pursue authenticity over perfection.

During this time: my computer has been shut off by little man who was telling me “all done, all done.”

little man has sprayed himself in the face with the water hose (we are outside btw)

little man has dipped the doggie pooper scooper in the pool

little man has run off with my phone and had a very animated conversation

Iris ( the fur baby) has chased a bunny and nearly bowled over the wee lad

little man has climbed on top of the hot tub

Worth it? We shall see! See you at 10 tomorrow … and the next day… and the next….

Project Flip Flop

Hey! Remember when it was ok to say the word ‘thong’ and it wouldn’t conjure up embarrassed side glances?

I am obsessed with summer. Clear blue skies and sunshine lures me out daily… in shorts…even with single digit temperatures! I am Winnipeg? I am Winnipeg-er?

It only took me 35+ years, but I am finally comfortable (ish) in my own skin (sometimes.) Part of my journey back to mental healthfulness has included: a) kindness and compassion towards the woman I see in the mirror b) getting outside, Outside, OUTSIDE!!!

You get out there gurrrrrrl! Don those shorts! Put on that cute top. Get yourself some fresh air and gain some perspective while you’re at it.

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Project Pinky Swear

I have been known to throw a mean secret handshake in my day. And by secret, I mean I showed EVERYONE because my ‘secret’ handshakes were awesome!!!

I have never sworn a blood oath or sealed a promise with spit but I have been guilty of breaking promises. Let me take a moment to apologize…. to myself!

Self-care is a huge part of not just coping with my day to day but somehow through the mess joyfully thriving!

The past 3 weeks have been really hard. For some unknown reason, something in my body/brain chemistry has gone whackadoo (yes, that is a medical term.) Even though I have mostly done everything right-ish, I find myself in need of a little checkie-poo with my physician.

Herein lies the challenge… how do I honour my commitments to myself concerning self-care when my body/brain is in rebellion? And if my body/brain is in rebellion that means more than ever it is in need of self-care! ugh!!

I can’t pinky swear my way through this. But, I can extend kindness, compassion, grace, and understanding… and “get thee to a doctor!!” (thanks mom)

Project Asparagus

I may be a bad mom. I kind of lie sometimes to my children.

I lie about food. I may sometimes tell them that something “isn’t that bad” or “tastes like nothing.”

Asparagus has a taste. Asparagus has a distinct taste. Asparagus has a distinct smell, texture and aftermath. I. Am. A. Liar.

Depression gives my life a distinct texture. My life will never ‘feel’ the same again. When I take the time to examine the journey I catch a glimmer of something inexplicably beautiful.

P.S. I kind of like Asparagus.