I was told that I need to make a concerted effort to reduce my stress level with things like practicing deep breathing and doing some light yoga.
I am not surprised. I wake up almost daily with feelings of anxiety. That said, I am getting better and better at coping daily. It must be working.
I did a bad, bad thing this morning. I worked out!!! I fear tomorrow when I discover I can’t feel my legs and have to butt scoot down the stairs. #worthit???!?
Today I tortured my body. Tomorrow, I get to go on a leisurely ride on my dorkbike. It is called balance.
Can you believe that I still haven’t found someone willing to let me put a beret on their Yorkie and carry it around in my basket alongside my wheel of stinky cheese and fresh baked baguette? #lifegoals
So, I may or may not have lost our minivan recently….
In my defense, it was late.
I am writing this however to brag on my amazing ingenuity and survival skills…
You know that red button on most key fobs …??? I pushed it… and it got stuck….
I found my minivan. End of story. WIN!
Why is it that I have to get to the crisis point before I remember to build margin into my life to help keep my depression in check? It isn’t like there aren’t warning signs. Just being mindful of previous situations/stressors that lead up to a crisis helps.
Case in point: As wife and mother extraordinaire, domestic goddess, literary genius, supermodel, inspirational best friend to all, super savvy business woman, singing superstar who can stop bullets with my bare hands and leap buildings in a single bound … something is going to give.
If there were a big red button to help me navigate a rough patch, would I remember to push it? Would I recognize the incessant beeping/honking/flashing when I did? Would my pride allow me to? I think that is why the daily small wins matter. Yes. I brushed my teeth today. WIN! Yes. I ate a vegetable. WIN! Yes. I hugged my child and kissed my husband. WIN!
This one is for all of you like-minded sufferers out there.
Is literary laryngitis a thing? If so, then I’ve had it for several years.
I am no Einstein, Shakespeare, or Michelangelo but I am extremely aware that my voice today is a direct result of my journey through depression. For that I am grateful.
Beauty is born out of pain. 
First off, I am multitasking right now. Wearing a bathing suit in bed is dressing for success right?? WIN!
After reading 80 million suspense thrillers in a row, I decided that I should read smarter books. Here is what I came up with:
Check it out here (You are welcome in advance):
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23848559-furiously-happy
Depression is a dirty, filthy liar.
I have a guilty pleasure that helps me cope with the daily barrage of lies. I delight in pushing the little tab thingie that allows Facebook to analyze my profile and tell me I am a SUPERSTAR! Try it sometime. Better yet, surround yourself with people who love you. You are not alone!
Take that depression! Score 1 for me.
So, I am on day 2 of a cheese hangover. For real people!! A CHEESE HANGOVER!!!! Being HANGRY is a thing. Proof …Me.
Food makes a huge difference to my personal health and wellness … especially my emotional wellness. I do eat the rainbow… most of the time. My rainbow sometimes includes beige and black. *confession — I may sometimes light things on fire.*
I don’t follow any particular eating “lifestyle” but I do adhere fairly closely to the following eating rules: 1)Eat for hunger not feelings. 2)Eat as close to nature as possible and plan ahead. (very little processed food in my life and food prep for the week happens on Mondays) 3)If I can’t pronounce it I tend not to eat it. (I read EVERY single label) 4)Watch input vs output (exercise) But don’t hyper focus on it. 4) I have become obsessed with fiber and bowel movements (is this an AGE thing???! Gut health is part of emotional health… I have seen this firsthand) 5) Hang on for this one my friends…. This one is super important ….. DON’T EAT FOODS YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO OR SENSITIVE TO!!!!) Thus… the CHEESE HANGOVER….. *smacks palm to forehead*
How do you get into a pool? I make a run for it, curl up into a projectile and make a huge splash.
Some days, I am truly amazing and I ROCK life! Other days, I don’t. I long for the days of the huge splash and loathe the days where the apathy sets in once again. On bad days, the phrase ‘I can’t even’ is uttered more than I care to admit.
I HATE this aspect of my illness. I am fierce. I am passionate. I am creative. I am all of these things, and more… except for when I’m not. Depression sucks.
The main reason I do squats is so that my butt doesn’t jiggle as I run away from you. Am I joking?? You will never know….
Part of my struggle is that I find ‘people-ing’ hard. I really like my fellow humans, but my illness manifests in a form of social anxiety. Please don’t take it personally if you catch me running. I love you. When I am with you, I delight in you. But now, I am going to go hide in my room.
This is my view more often than not these days. Depression sucks. I am not alone. You are not alone…. except when we want to be.
Our beautiful Saint Bernard Buttercup has been struggling with an old age issue. I will spare you the details, but just know that she wasn’t herself. (Can anyone relate??) After a visit to the vet, many $$$ and two amazing prescriptions, Buttercup is on top of the world. She is the sassiest 9 year old puppy (yes… PUPPY) you will ever meet. Buttercup might possibly be high … but I prefer to think she is high on life.
Medication is a life changing decision. I have seen ‘the look’ in people’s eyes and the ‘purse of the lips’ indicating displeasure at my choice. I take an antidepressant. Every. Single. Day. And it is helping. With self care in place and a supportive network of people in my life + medication, I feel a little more human.
Deuteronomy 31:8 is a favourite verse of mine. It says “The Lord HIMSELF (so COOL!) goes before you and will be with you. He will never leave you or forsake you.”
I am not alone. You are not alone. But depression sucks.
Miss Sassy pants (AKA Buttercup) made me get down on the ground and bribe her for this picture.
projectlipstickismysuperpower 