Is literary laryngitis a thing? If so, then I’ve had it for several years.
I am no Einstein, Shakespeare, or Michelangelo but I am extremely aware that my voice today is a direct result of my journey through depression. For that I am grateful.
Beauty is born out of pain. 
First off, I am multitasking right now. Wearing a bathing suit in bed is dressing for success right?? WIN!
After reading 80 million suspense thrillers in a row, I decided that I should read smarter books. Here is what I came up with:
Check it out here (You are welcome in advance):
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23848559-furiously-happy
Depression is a dirty, filthy liar.
I have a guilty pleasure that helps me cope with the daily barrage of lies. I delight in pushing the little tab thingie that allows Facebook to analyze my profile and tell me I am a SUPERSTAR! Try it sometime. Better yet, surround yourself with people who love you. You are not alone!
Take that depression! Score 1 for me.
So, I am on day 2 of a cheese hangover. For real people!! A CHEESE HANGOVER!!!! Being HANGRY is a thing. Proof …Me.
Food makes a huge difference to my personal health and wellness … especially my emotional wellness. I do eat the rainbow… most of the time. My rainbow sometimes includes beige and black. *confession — I may sometimes light things on fire.*
I don’t follow any particular eating “lifestyle” but I do adhere fairly closely to the following eating rules: 1)Eat for hunger not feelings. 2)Eat as close to nature as possible and plan ahead. (very little processed food in my life and food prep for the week happens on Mondays) 3)If I can’t pronounce it I tend not to eat it. (I read EVERY single label) 4)Watch input vs output (exercise) But don’t hyper focus on it. 4) I have become obsessed with fiber and bowel movements (is this an AGE thing???! Gut health is part of emotional health… I have seen this firsthand) 5) Hang on for this one my friends…. This one is super important ….. DON’T EAT FOODS YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO OR SENSITIVE TO!!!!) Thus… the CHEESE HANGOVER….. *smacks palm to forehead*
How do you get into a pool? I make a run for it, curl up into a projectile and make a huge splash.
Some days, I am truly amazing and I ROCK life! Other days, I don’t. I long for the days of the huge splash and loathe the days where the apathy sets in once again. On bad days, the phrase ‘I can’t even’ is uttered more than I care to admit.
I HATE this aspect of my illness. I am fierce. I am passionate. I am creative. I am all of these things, and more… except for when I’m not. Depression sucks.
The main reason I do squats is so that my butt doesn’t jiggle as I run away from you. Am I joking?? You will never know….
Part of my struggle is that I find ‘people-ing’ hard. I really like my fellow humans, but my illness manifests in a form of social anxiety. Please don’t take it personally if you catch me running. I love you. When I am with you, I delight in you. But now, I am going to go hide in my room.
This is my view more often than not these days. Depression sucks. I am not alone. You are not alone…. except when we want to be.
Our beautiful Saint Bernard Buttercup has been struggling with an old age issue. I will spare you the details, but just know that she wasn’t herself. (Can anyone relate??) After a visit to the vet, many $$$ and two amazing prescriptions, Buttercup is on top of the world. She is the sassiest 9 year old puppy (yes… PUPPY) you will ever meet. Buttercup might possibly be high … but I prefer to think she is high on life.
Medication is a life changing decision. I have seen ‘the look’ in people’s eyes and the ‘purse of the lips’ indicating displeasure at my choice. I take an antidepressant. Every. Single. Day. And it is helping. With self care in place and a supportive network of people in my life + medication, I feel a little more human.
Deuteronomy 31:8 is a favourite verse of mine. It says “The Lord HIMSELF (so COOL!) goes before you and will be with you. He will never leave you or forsake you.”
I am not alone. You are not alone. But depression sucks.
Miss Sassy pants (AKA Buttercup) made me get down on the ground and bribe her for this picture.
If I told you that I was writing this from bed would you believe me? As a sufferer of depression, the struggle of getting up and getting cute is REAL. I made a deal with myself this morning that no matter what, I was going to be cute today. I think I can say mission accomplished? Here is a list of my personal coping strategies.
MY Top 10 Daily Non-Negotiables :
1. Personal hygiene (this includes everything you might suspect it should include)
2. Put on real clothes (pyjamas don’t count, leggings aren’t pants, must include a bra, must be suitable for the public eye)
3. Put on makeup and do hair (if this is too much just washing my face counts)
4. Take care of my home (this is really, really hard some days with 2 teens, 2 Saint Bernards, and a cat)
5. Take care of my body (80% eat wholesome food, 20% intentional, strategic workouts)
6. Challenge my mind. (LEARN SOMETHING…. ANYTHING …. Daily …. Reading any kind of book counts)
7. Be relational (reach out to friends, family) I HAVE THE BEST PEOPLE IN MY LIFE!
8. Leave my home. No matter what. GET OUT!
9. LAUGH! (Reading Memes is an acceptable option)
10. Take care of and spend time with my husband and children. (Making a fabulous meal is one of the best ways to accomplish this)
Can I just be real for a sec? I hate pictures. Like HATE! I did this as a way to be accountable. I can check every one of the above non-negotiables off my list today. Tomorrow however… that remains to be seen. The struggle is real people. Depression sucks.
projectlipstickismysuperpower 